An Introvert Story: Adult Friendships

Let's get right to it. I'm an introvert by nature... and by comfort... and by all the things that can make you an introvert versus an extrovert. 90% of my friends are extroverts. So it's an interesting thing I've got going on.

So when I tell you this next part, you should be shocked! Ready?

On Saturday, I went to brunch with a bunch of strangers! Who even am I? I don't talk to strangers. What was I thinking? Well... if you must know, I was working on making new friends.

Now y'all, I have plenty of friends. I have friends who have known me for way too long and know way too much but whom I love more than anything in the world. I have friends from college and friends from my first job. I have friends in Southeastern North Carolina, where I first taught. I have friends in the Triangle area, where I taught last year. I have friends in states all over the place. But what I don't have is friends right here in the Queen City...

So I was stuck and lonely and sad. Typical emotions that I go through in a day, along with excited, emotional, happy, and angry. Y'all I hit the full spectrum of emotions almost every day. And I've just learned that's who I am. But still, I was lonely and sad and missing my friends and contemplating moving again, after just moving in July. I'm 100% dramatic, 95% of the time. So I took a deep breath, told myself that moving doesn't solve all the world's problems, and downloaded the Meetup App.

Now, I'm not saying there aren't other ways to make friends in the adult world. But I will say, this made it seem a whole lot less threatening to someone who would rather sit at home in yoga pants with a jar of Nutella while binge watching Netflix shows. So I joined a few groups, browsed through about a 100 different meet ups that were happening and closed the app. Yep, just like that. I decided it was absolutely not gonna happen. Who hangs out with groups of strangers??

Then I got a notification that someone had posted in one of the groups, stating that she was new to the area and wondered if any girls wanted to meet up for coffee and exploring the city. I commented that I was also new to the area and wouldn't mind doing the same. The threaded went on with a bunch of different girls chiming in and finally in was decided that brunch on Saturday would be a good option for most of those involved. I agreed to go and immediately had knots in my stomach; was I really going to meet up with a bunch of girls I know nothing about and enjoy brunch? Who knew but I'd agreed to go and so I would.

Saturday morning came and I was a nervous wreck. But I refused to talk myself out of it. Instead, I went to Starbucks and bought myself a pre-reward. Then went back home and got ready for the event. And yes, brunch with strangers is absolutely an event. It requires carefully picking out your outfit, actually putting effort into your hair, and pushing all the thoughts of doubt from your mind.

In typical Chandler fashion, I was early and took my time walking through the city. Finally, I arrived at the Dandelion Market, took my last deep breath, and walked in. I was still the first to arrive. I'm literally 0% surprised at this fact.

Anyway, brunch went fine and plans were laid to hang out again. Maybe later that day, maybe another time. For me, I knew it would be another time. My anxiety had taken all it could for the day. I went home, snuggled under a blanket on the porch, and read my book. And I was perfectly content.

Bonus fact for those who still don't believe this is a big deal for me: 5 different friends/family members told me how proud they were that I actually went through with this. I don't branch out, I don't meet new people on my own, and I certainly don't hang out with strangers in a situation I can't control. But I did it and I survived and I'll do it again... because they say life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

All of this to say, making friends as an adult is difficult, but not impossible. Find something you like  (running, hiking, church, singing, basketball, brunch, breweries) and find other people who like those same things. I can't promise it will be easy or that it will be successful 100% of the time. But I say try it because you never know who else is looking for a friend at the same time you are!